HOPE FOR THE HOME: The aftermath of an affair

Question: A husband asks, “What can I do to save our marriage? My wife had an affair with my best friend. Can I ever trust her again?”

Jerry: Two questions must be addressed and honestly answered before restoration can begin. Why did your wife have an affair? Does your wife want to salvage your marriage? Trust is to marriage what a foundation is to a house. Break the trust and the marriage will dissolve unless restored. Crack the foundation and the house will crumble unless repaired. Trust, like respect, must first be deserved. Secondly, it must be preserved at all costs.

Becky: Spouses who feel neglected, discontented, and unfulfilled are more likely to have an affair. They are looking for something or someone to fill that void. Is there any reason your wife may be dealing with these issues? As we often teach in our Hope for the Home Conferences, “It takes two to get married and two to stay married.” Marriage is never 50-50. It is more like 100-100.

Jerry: The first step toward rebuilding trust is forgiveness. This can be the hardest and most difficult expression a human can undertake. Forgiveness does at least five things: (1) Breaks the cycle of blame and pain. (2) Removes anger and guilt from our lives. (3) Places the offended on the same side of the offender. (4) Restores faith. (5) Offers a choice. In addition, you and your spouse must both be committed to forgiving each other every single day.

Becky: An affair is the worst betrayal which one can encounter in a marriage. When this happens, there are only two options, divorce, or reconciliation. Giving your marriage another chance will take time and effort. If your wife genuinely wants to save the marriage, I suggest that both of you schedule an appointment with a qualified Christian marriage counselor. This will be the first step in opening the doors of communication which is necessary for healing to begin. If you cannot find a Christian marriage counselor in your area, email us at: HopefortheHome@juno.com and we will be happy to assist you.

Jerry: As we always suggest to anyone facing a marital crisis, if you are in a Bible believing, Bible teaching, Bible preaching church stay in church. Also stay in the Word and do not neglect your prayer life. We are reminded in Psalm 127:1, “Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.”

Jerry and his wife Becky are on American Family Radio weekdays at 4:20 PM (CT) and on Sundays at 5:35 PM (CT). Check out their resources for the family at HopefortheHome.org. Becky’s latest book, “The Bright Side of Blue” and Dr. Drace’s, “44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage” offer biblical principles and timely advice for dealing with the challenges and trials of life. You may order these and other resources by contacting them at: hopeforthehome@juno.com.