FAITH: Talk to others, not about others

So much strife and distrust would be eliminated if we were to talk to one another rather than about one another. Most of the petty drama that takes place in workplaces would be avoided if we would simply talk to each other.

Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that things will be worse if we talk to a person. When this happens, like the accumulation of things which are swept under the rug, distrust grows, resentment builds, and tension rises. Talking about one another is actually more damaging for everyone. 

Marriages careen toward divorce, office politics prevail, mediocrity reigns, and awkwardness hovers overhead like a gloomy cloud in a gossiping culture. Skepticism runs rampant in a place where people are talked about. 

If someone is talking negatively about a person to you, you can be guaranteed they will talk negatively to that person about you. People like this are dealers in negativity. They are contemptuous individuals who themselves live with a low-grade frustration and breed cynicism and skepticism.

What you say about others says more about you than it does them.

Talking negatively about others may seem to put you in a better light, but the wise person sees just the opposite. Beware. Such a person is a gossip, cannot be trusted, and sows contention wherever he goes.

Proverbs 16:28 says, “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”

Obviously, there was some unhealthy and unproductive babbling in the church in Thessalonica. This is why the Apostle Paul told them, “… to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands….”  (1 Thessalonians 4:11)

The older I get, the less I want drama and the more I value how God designed life to be—a good life with a happy home, a faithful and loving church, good work, good food, and good times surrounded by people I love.

Paul would say in Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” My college friends used to translate this verse as “Build up or shut up!”  It may have been an obtuse way to say it, but it has stuck with me. I can’t tell you the number of times I have been tempted to say something about someone and thought about Ephesians 4:29 and “Build up or shut up!” We’d all be better off if each of us practiced that.

Don’t be a part of the problem.  As you go about your day tomorrow, maybe it would be helpful to remember Proverbs 20:19. “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.”

It may be that the best thing we can do is keep our mouths shut, and if we have something to say, say it directly to one another. In the meantime, keep your distance from those who go around talking about others.

Dr. Todd E. Brady serves families at Arrington Funeral Directors.  He is also Chairman of the Board of Trustees at Augustine School.  He and his wife, Amy, have five sons and are members of Cornerstone Community Church.  You may write to him at tbrady@afgemail.net.