HOPE FOR THE HOME: Questions to answer before marriage

Engaged Couple: Becky, I have recently become engaged and my fiancé and I are beginning to make plans for the wedding. What advice do you and Dr. Drace have for us?

Becky: Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. It is our belief that outside your decision to follow Christ, the second most major decision an individual makes involves the choice of a spouse. My first bit of advice for the both of you is to schedule a pre-marital counseling session with a qualified Christian family counselor. Usually this will involve more than one session. We ask many questions to couples planning to marry. Here are six to get you thinking:

1. Are you ready to decide to make a lifelong commitment to God and one another? I feel it is vitally important that a Christian marriage start out with two Christians and not just in name only. Fittingly, the word “decide” stems from a root word meaning “to cut.” Have you already cut ties with the demands of the world to follow the commands of Christ? Are you willing to cut ties with anyone and anything which would make your spouse feel abandoned, ignored and neglected?
2. Do you understand the purpose of marriage? As a Christian, I believe God uses marriage to help us become more like Christ. It can be a humble and challenging process, but a godly marriage will strengthen your faith.
3. Do you understand your job is to love your spouse – not to get your spouse to love you? We are selfish creatures and concentrating on the “other” person can be difficult. But if each person spent less time concentrating on themselves and more time serving the other person, they will be amazed at how strong and fulfilling their marriage will become.

Jerry: To follow up on the questions which Becky has shared, here are three more:

1. Are you ready to leave your past behind? Some couples find it challenging to adjust from their single lives to married life. It is not uncommon to encounter men and women who find it difficult to cut the apron strings from one or both of their parents. Your spouse should not have to compete with your mother or father for attention. Also, if this is not your first marriage have you resolved the issues which brought about the dissolution of your previous marriage?
2. Do you know how to manage conflict? It is one of the greatest myths that the absence of conflict is a sign of a healthy marriage. Differences of opinion in a marriage are healthy and inevitable. Conflict is an opportunity to learn something about yourself, your spouse, and your marriage. How you manage conflict is the key to achieving unity and harmony in marriage.
3. Are you part of a community? It is common for a couple to put some distance between themselves and their friends and their community after falling in love. Their newly formed relationship with each other often makes it easy to lose touch with those around them. However, every couple needs a strong network of support, including relatives, friends, and a church body. Just be sure your spouse is your best friend.

I strongly agree with Becky the need for pre-marital counseling with a qualified Christian family counselor. If you are not familiar with one, we will be happy to make recommendations. See our contact information below. Please keep in mind, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who built it,” Psalm 127:1.

Jerry and his wife Becky are on American Family Radio weekdays at 4:20 PM (CT) and on Sundays at 5:35 PM (CT). Check out their resources for the family at HopefortheHome.org. Becky’s latest book, “The Bright Side of Blue” and Dr. Drace’s, “44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage” offer biblical principles and timely advice for dealing with the challenges and trials of life. You may order these and other resources by contacting them at: hopeforthehome@juno.com.