HOPE FOR THE HOME: Perhaps the most challenging choice of all

Husband and Wife: My wife and I have been married for over 40 years. Like most couples, we have faced many difficult choices. Now, however, we are facing what may be our most challenging decision yet. Both sets of our parents are still living, but my wife’s father is in advanced stages of dementia. After prayerful counsel with our doctor, pastor, her mother, close friends, and seeking the will of God we believe the best step is to place my father-in-law in an assisted care facility designed specifically for people living with this debilitating illness. What have you and Becky encountered concerning this situation at your many Hope for the Home Conferences?

Jerry: For adults caring for aging parents, decisions about health care during the later years of life can be deeply difficult and emotionally draining. These choices become more manageable when families talk through the issues early, before a crisis forces urgent decisions. Hopefully, in your situation you did so while her father was able to understand and share his feelings regarding this life altering event.

Becky: Having walked through this crisis with my own parents, I understand how difficult and emotional this path can be. It calls for both firmness and gentleness, the same kind of loving strength our parents often showed us when we were children. There will be times you two may find yourself in tears wondering if you made the right decision. Acknowledge these feelings, but do not dwell in that valley. You have obviously reached this decision after prayer and counsel from those you trust. Remember the words of Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall [a]direct your paths.”

Jerry: At our Hope for the Home Conferences, many people have shared their experiences of moving aging parents into specialized care facilities because of declining mental health. Their stories often reveal the same mixture of sorrow, uncertainty, love, and responsibility that you are facing now. The one thread which runs through each decision is that this is what is best for all parties involved.

Some questions you need to ask when considering which facility to use are: 1. How do you tailor care plans to each resident’s needs, personality, and stage of dementia? 2. What memory care activities, cognitive therapies, or enrichment programs are available? 3. What qualifications and training do your caregivers receive? How do you ensure staff wellbeing and continuity? 4. How do you involve families in updates, care planning, and visits? 5. How is the facility designed to support independence, safety, and familiarity for residents with dementia? 6. Can you accommodate residents as their needs evolve, including more advanced stages of dementia or end-of-life care? 7. Do residents seem content and engaged? Does the team interact warmly and respectfully with residents? Do I feel at ease here?

In all matters regarding our parents, we need to practice the fifth commandment; “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12.

Jerry and his wife Becky are on American Family Radio weekdays at 4:20 PM (CT) and on Sundays at 5:35 PM (CT). Check out their resources for the family at HopefortheHome.org. Becky’s latest book, “The Bright Side of Blue” and Dr. Drace’s, “44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage” offer biblical principles and timely advice for dealing with the challenges and trials of life. You may order these and other resources by contacting them at: hopeforthehome@juno.com.