HOPE FOR THE HOME: Obedience need not be an obstacle

Question: A wife asks, “What does the Bible have to say about wives obeying their husbands? Shouldn’t obedience be a mutual thing in a marriage?”

Jerry: Obedience and submission are two of the frequent controversial speed bumps in marriage. These directives have often been interpreted in ways that justify husbands exerting authority over their wives.

These same instructions have also been used by wives as a means to assert control within the relationship. In some cases, wives may invoke these teachings to “put the hubby in his place,” using the directives to reinforce their own perspective or to challenge their husband’s actions.

Obedience and submission, as found in Ephesians 5:22, means voluntary compliance based on a commitment to proper order. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as you do to the Lord.” The two significant words here are “voluntary” and “proper.” Voluntary implies a deliberate choice and decides the correct order properly. The order of human creation finds God creating man first, then woman, and from this arrangement the gift of children. Let me be quick to say that in a marriage, submission and obedience begins with the husband submitting to the lordship of Christ as we find in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Before either of these two verses we read, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21.    

Becky: If the husband submits and obeys the teachings of Christ and loves his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, then there will most likely be harmony in the home. What wife does not want to experience love in the same way Christ loves his bride? However, from the beginning when Adam should have protected Eve when confronted by Satan, he ignored the proper order therefore Eve took charge. The result was expulsion from paradise.                      

Jerry: An excellent example of a husband who earned the right to be the head of his family is Noah. The Bible tells us he was, “a righteous man, blameless among his peers, and he walked with God” (Genesis 6:9). In other words, he was upright, honest, and faithful. He was a husband and father who submitted to and obeyed God. He voluntarily submitted to the instructions of God and as a result proper order was established in his marriage and family.

Becky: Submission does not mean the wife has no right to her opinions or should not make any decisions without her husband’s consent. There are occasions in every marriage which require immediate choices. If the husband and wife are united in their goals and objectives, then the everyday issues which arise should never become a problem. It is in the major decisions which affect marriage and family that the husband should assume the proper order and accept responsibility for the consequences. As obedience and submission are lived out in front of the children they are to be reminded of the scripture, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right,” Ephesians 6:1.

Jerry and his wife Becky are on American Family Radio weekdays at 4:20 PM (CT) and on Sundays at 5:35 PM (CT). Check out their resources for the family at HopefortheHome.org. Becky’s latest book, “The Bright Side of Blue” and Dr. Drace’s, “44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage” offer biblical principles and timely advice for dealing with the challenges and trials of life. You may order these and other resources by contacting them at: hopeforthehome@juno.com.