FAITH: Agape - The love that makes room

We use the word “love” so often that sometimes it feels like we may have forgotten what we mean by it. 

We love our significant others. We love our children. We love our favorite restaurants, our sports teams, and our pets. We say we love a public figure we have never met and then, in the next breath, speak harshly about people we see each day. 

The ancient world had a much more expansive vocabulary for love than we do today. One of the words we see used in the New Testament is agape—a love that is less about affection and more about action. It is love that makes the choice to believe in the good of another. Love that gives without expectation or transaction. Love that refuses to reduce another human being to their politics, religion, race, income, mistakes or usefulness. 

To put it plainly, agape is love that makes room. 

In this day and age, agape love is more important and impactful than ever. 

The U.S. Surgeon General has described loneliness and social isolation as a serious public-health concern, in a post-COVID society. The 2023 advisory reported that roughly one-in-two American adults experience measurable levels of loneliness, while research cited by the Department of Health and Human Services has found that social isolation is associated with a 29% increased risk of premature mortality. 

We have never had more ways to communicate, have never before been so interconnected, and yet so many of us are starving for genuine, lasting connection. 

Perhaps this could be one reason the ancient wisdom about love still matters. 

The Bible says clearly: “Love is patient, love is kind.” It goes on to describe a love that does not envy another, boast of one’s accomplishments, dishonor a loved one or insist on getting its own selfish way. The Apostle Paul is not creating a task list; he is describing a way of life. 

And the idea isn't uniquely Christian, either. Across the historical, cultural, religious, and philosophical traditions, we find some version of the conviction that humans flourish when we treat our neighbor with genuineness. A recent cross-cultural study of “love of neighbor” notes that this idea has particular prominence in Jewish, Christian and Muslim

traditions, while finding parallels in other religious and secular traditions as well. It is a simple concept: see someone the way you would want to be seen. 

Walter Brueggemann, one of the most influential biblical theologians of our time, has repeatedly emphasized the importance of “neighbor” as a theological category. For Brueggemann, the biblical vision isn't primarily about isolated individuals competing for their own well-being. It is about a society in which the flourishing of our neighbor is connected to one’s own. He has argued that the biblical ethic of loving one's neighbor offers a profound challenge to the individualism of our culture. 

Simple, right? 

What happens to a community when we stop expecting what someone can do for “me?” It can be transformational. 

An isolated neighbor needs a listening ear. A struggling family needs someone willing to help in financial need. A grieving friend needs someone who is present without judgement. A person with a different belief system needs someone willing to hear rather than assume. 

And there are times, the person who needs agape is the person we have convinced ourselves and feel, doesn't deserve it. Friends, love is easy when the other person is lovable. 

Agape becomes life-changing when love becomes a decision rather than a reaction. “Let love be genuine,” Paul writes. “Outdo one another in showing honor.” 

Imagine what our community might look like if we actually tried that. Not blindly agreeing on everything. Not masking our differences in values or opinions. Not simply abandoning our convictions. 

Just choosing, again and again, day-after-day, to believe that the person across the hall, across the street, across the political aisle or across the sanctuary is worthy of dignity. 

Consider this: what if that's where healing begins? 

Maybe agape isn't primarily about how we feel about one another. What if it is about what kind of world we are willing to build for one another? 

And perhaps the simplest prayer is also the hardest one:

TEACH ME TO LOVE OTHERS 

“Give me pure eyes to see the person before the differences, and ears to listen before I judge. 

Give me the courage to love when it is inconvenient, when it costs me something, and when agreement is unlikely. 

Make love more than a feeling. Let it become something people can see—in the way I speak, in the way I serve, in the way I forgive, and in the way I will make room for others. 

And when I am tempted to ask, “Who is my neighbor?” remind me to ask instead, “How can I be a neighbor?” 

Challenge me to love others, in days that are hard, in seasons that are cold, and with a pure heart. 

Teach me to love others. Then give me the courage to do something about it. This is agape love, and the hope that all are deserving and have space at the table, through the love shown to us by Christ. 

Amen.”

Adam Johnson is a strategy consultant and ordained minister with two decades of experience in nonprofit leadership nationwide, currently the CEO of Habitat for Humanity of Jackson TN. He holds advanced degrees in nonprofit organization from the University of Memphis. Adam lives in Jackson with his wife, Kayla, and their daughter Josephine.