OPINION: The joy parenting brings can’t be measured

A benefit of becoming an older parent is the perspective that accompanies gray hair and cholesterol medication.  Having two boys in college and three boys still at home gives me a uniquely dual perspective.  There is the active parenting of those living in our home and the “quasi-active” parenting of those living away at college.  It’s a balancing act.

One thing remains the same regardless of the age of your kids.  The joy that the parent receives from seeing his child experience joy is greater than the joy that he himself receives from anything else.

Two of our sons recently had two different experiences over Spring Break.  We carried on with our lives here at home, but we found ourselves really excited to hear from them at different times during the week.  One spent several days in Florida with a group of friends.  That Sunday, he called us to tell us about going to a church that morning.  We heard all about it, and it was especially fun to know that our friend serves as the pastor of that church. 

One night he called us and was sitting at a table in a restaurant listening to live music.  He told us about what he ate and the good time he was having.  

Another son went with a group of other students overseas to work with a couple of church leaders in Rome.  We followed his departure flight from Nashville to Washington D.C. and then to Rome.  Those texts of landmark pictures which he sent along the way were like gold to us.  He figured out the time difference and called a couple times when we were both awake.  You pictured it right—Amy and I both hunkered over the iPhone listening to him on speaker as he told us about his day.  The house could have caught fire, and I don’t think we would have noticed.

When both boys got home, they showed us pictures—mirroring them on the flatscreen from their phones.  I remember sitting there looking at their pictures and listening to them talk thinking, “This is the best and most important thing I will do all day.”

Going to a school play.  Watching your child play baseball.  Sitting in the stands at a basketball game.  Having dinner together and talking with kids about their day.

Parents realize that it’s not just about being there at the “important” times but being there at the other times as well.  “When you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you like down, and when you rise.”  (Deuteronomy 6:7)

According to a Pew Research Center survey, the United States fertility rate reached a historic low in 2023, and the share of adults younger than 50 without children who say they are unlikely to ever have kids rose 10 percentage points between 2018 and 2023.   

Those adults don’t know what they are missing.  Sure, parenting is work.  It’s sacrifice.  A man told me at my wedding how much I would spend when each kid came along.  (I think he meant to be funny.)  Well, we had five children, and if I could do it all over again, I would do it all over again.  Parenting is indeed a burden, but it is a blessed burden.

It is true.  A parent finds greater joy in his kid’s joy than he does his own. 

Dr. Todd E. Brady serves as Staff Chaplain and Advanced Funeral Planner at Arrington Funeral Directors.  He and his wife, Amy have five sons.  You may write to him at tbrady@afgemail.net.