OPINION: Assume the best as much as possible

The charitable heart looks for reasons to forgive. The suspicious heart looks for reasons to condemn. 

I recently read of someone sitting in their car on an icy street waiting to pass workers who were cutting iced limbs. He wrote an angry post saying that he had been blocked in for about an hour as the worker “cut limbs on the opposite side of the street that are no were [SIC] near hitting the power lines if they break.” Then he said “Such a waste of time and money.” 

Was this high and mighty driver privy to some information the rest of the world didn’t have or could the tree company that was cutting trees have had some sort of logical rationale? I don’t have all the facts, and I don’t know the intentions of the tree company, so my best course of action is to not assume and keep my mouth shut. 

Recently, some government leaders in the West Tennessee and Nashville communities have been criticized for not clearing the streets and roadways of ice and snow. The murmuring and griping has been significant. As is often the case, the more people talk, the worse the situation gets. Since I don’t know all the facts, the best course of action is for me to not assume the worst and keep my mouth shut. 

Maybe I should say that I should not assume the worst. In fact, I choose to assume the best. Assuming the worst is never good for relationships and judgment. 

When you begin with a negative assumption, everything is colored through that lens. Even though it may not be accurate, a negative assumption sees everything as hostile, careless or selfish. I have found that folks who are quick to judge are usually too quick to judge— judging before they collect all the facts. I know because I myself am tempted to do it. 

When people feel like they are being viewed suspiciously, it results in distance, defensiveness, and resentment. In short, it destroys trust. 

It has been said that suspicion is a habit of mind that sees shadows where there is only light. That is true, and not only are these kind of people glass-half-empty folks, they say that the glass being half empty is your fault! 

Assuming the worst creates a heart of cynicism and bitterness. The person who does this doesn’t seek to understand. He seeks to condemn. 

The world needs less condemnation. I am not calling for naivete. Quite the opposite. Let there be wisdom and charity in all our responses. Instead of typing an angry, pontificating post, perhaps being reasonable and generous with others is the way to proceed. Now if clear evidence requires another type of response, let that response be truthful, kind, and helpful, characterized by humility and grace. 

My grandmother, Jimmie, has been gone 25 years, but I still can hear her saying “God gave you two ears and one mouth, because he expects you to listen twice as much as you speak.” 

Jimmie also said “It takes little size to criticize.” 

Assume the worst. You will be unhappy and folks will seek to avoid you. Assume the best. You will be happier and others will want to be around you.

Todd E. Brady serves as Staff Chaplain and Advanced Funeral Planner at Arrington Funeral Directors. He and his wife, Amy, have five sons. You may write to him at tbrady@afgemail.net.