OPINION: 809 years of good and godly marriage

My assigned title was “Weeping with Those who Weep”—a direct quote from Romans 12:15 where Paul calls Christians to share together in joys and sorrows. I would be speaking to 21 widows about the subject of grief.  We were to meet in the church’s fellowship hall.  

Besides what I have read in the Bible and in other places, and besides my love for those women, (My first-grade teacher and another sweet lady from my elementary school were there.) what could I possibly share with them that would help or encourage them? In many ways, I felt like Moses who told the Lord in Exodus 3:11 “Who am I that I should go…?” 

Having never lost a spouse to death, I immediately thanked them for the opportunity to be with them and quickly confessed that they have an experiential knowledge that I do not have. I felt like a schoolboy standing in front of 21 principals. 

While a church should care well for its membership, we are told that it is to care particularly well for widows and orphans. In fact, James 1:27 says that religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is “to visit orphans and widows in their distress.”  It’s not about eliminating their distress but visiting them in their distress.  Indeed, the church is to honor widows (1 Timothy 5:3). 

During our time together, I shared some principles and practices related to grieving and how to care well for widows. But the profound reality that overwhelmed me was that the widows in that room that day represented 809 years of marriage. What a testimony. 

The widows’ ministry group at that church is a shining testimony of two realities which are undervalued and under assault in today’s society—life and marriage. 

Each lady in the meeting was alive. Each lady once had a husband who was alive.  Each lady at one point in her life had experienced the unspeakable loss of life of her husband.  We never would have been assembled that day if it were not for life—their lives and their husbands’ lives.  Thank God for the gift of life. 

Each of these women experienced the profound mystery of Holy Matrimony. Collectively, they experienced it for 809 years. It sure was good to hear women share about some fond memories of their husbands. For years—many years they modeled to their children, their church, their community, and the wider society God’s intention of one man and one woman in marriage  

God-fearing widows are heroines in our community.  They have loved well. They are faithful. They understand that the gray cloud of grief which continuously hangs over them has a hopeful, God-focused, silver lining.  They are dual citizens. Yes, they are citizens in this world, but they have a greater citizenship that is in heaven, and from it they are waiting for a Savior. They live with deep grief, but they also live with abiding hope. 

I stood before those ladies and spoke. They sat in two semicircle rows facing me. We talked about the loss of their husbands and grief. We laughed together. We cried together. Afterward we ate chocolate desserts and drank coffee. All the while, I was acutely aware that we were indeed surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses. 

Todd E. Brady serves as Staff Chaplain and Advanced Funeral Planner at Arrington Funeral Directors.  He and his wife, Amy have five sons.  You may write to him at tbrady@afgemail.net.